Apparently, we've all been reading it wrong. This Constitution thing? You don't have to take it all at once. You can just grab yourself a big slice of 2nd Amendment pie, a lucky few get to add a dollop of 1st Amendment ice cream (not too much, that stuff is fattening). The rest of those amendments – and really most of the basic stuff – eh, not so much.
At a Tea Party-sponsored debate in Louisiana last night, two House Republican hopefuls found a great deal of common ground. According to the Advocate, both support repealing the section of the 14th amendment establishing birthright citizenship. Both would repeal the 17th amendment, allowing for direct election of U.S. Senators.
Don't you worry. Republicans will fight to the death to defend those portions of the Constitution that they like!
Because you know that they love America more than you. They just don't love brown people, gay people, uppity women, workers, immigrants, or babies. Or the Bill of Rights. Or the land.
But they Love America!