Every so many years I decide to do a 100-mile bike ride. Mostly to remind myself why I only do one every so many years.
Rather than sign up for an organized ride, I decided to try it on my own this year.
The plan was simple. Mrs. Kong was to drop off at Darby Creek Metro Park right around sunrise. From there I would ride my way to Cincinnati. Right around 100 miles.
It looked like a perfect late summer day in Ohio. Sunny, high temperature of 80 degrees and even a tailwind in the forecast! Almost too good to be true.
We’re almost to the park when I start seeing “Road Construction” and “Detour” signs. I knew this was too good to be true.
The major intersection just before the park entrance has been completely torn up. It looks like at least a ten mile detour by car to come around from the other side.
I decide to have her drop me off by the side of the road. There is another section of bike path that I know leads into the park. I figure that might be my way around the construction. I’ve never ridden this particular section, so I don’t really know exactly where it ends up.
“I’m just going to ride my bike” I joke before heading off.
This section of path takes me to a totally different park entrance than the one I want. I follow the road into the park. I come around a curve and find myself about 5 feet from a large doe standing in the grass beside the road. Fortunately it doesn’t bolt.
The road dead-ends at a parking lot but it’s the wrong parking lot. This is a very big park and I’m nowhere close to the correct bike path. I see a trail leading into the woods and consult my GPS. It looks like this trail might connect to the other parking lot. I decide to try it. What’s the worst that could happen?
The sun is up but In the woods it’s still pretty dark. I’m running lights front and back plus a couple on my helmet. I’m lit up like a UFO.
The trail is loose gravel. A mountain-bike would eat this stuff up but my high-pressure road tires are not getting much traction. I reach a fairly steep hill and dismount. No way can I get up this with my tires spinning. It’s a tough climb. I’m not dressed for hiking and I’m pushing a bike. As I near the top the hill gets a bit less steep. I mount up again, careful not to click into the pedals in case I have to put my foot down.
As I start to pedal, my rear wheel spins, the bike goes sideways and I hear the telltale “click” as my left shoe latches into the pedal.
“G*dammit!”
If a man falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear, is he still an idiot?
At least I fall correctly. I tuck in, hang onto the bike and roll with it. Putting a hand out to stop your fall is a good way to break a wrist.
Dragging myself back up, I check the important things first. The bike seems to be OK.
My left leg is scraped up a bit but I’m not bleeding much. That’s all I can see in the semi-darkness. I momentarily consider calling it a day but decide to press on.
Finally I come to the end of the trail. Right back where I entered the park! I’ve gotten lost in the woods, laid my bike down, and injured myself all for nothing. I’m worse off than when I started.
Well golly, that was fun. Time for Plan C. I head back out to the road and assess my options.
On the advice of my attorney I can’t say how I ended up on the other side of the road construction.
I finally get to the correct parking lot where the path begins. I stop at the restroom and wash my wounds out with hand sanitizer. Not only is my left knee scraped up but I caught some gravel with my left ankle and even managed to get the right leg a little bit. Fortunately it’s all pretty superficial.
I give the bike a quick once over and off I go. I’ve put almost 4 miles on the odometer and wasted a good half hour in this whole exercise.
It’s chilly this early in the morning. It’s about 60 degrees, but I’m dressed for 80, which is what it will be later in the day. I’d rather be cold at the start than too hot at the end.
Ten miles or so into the ride the trail dead-ends at London. It picks up again on the west side of town. It’s about a 2-mile detour on the roads. Fortunately it’s well marked with signs or it would be easy to miss.
This early on a Saturday there’s hardly any cars on the road.
The trail picks up again behind the Senior Center on the west end of London. The trail head has a bathroom with running water and soap. I make use of it to clean out my scrapes a second time.
Ten miles down the trail I make another quick stop at South Charleston. I don’t think there’s a North Charleston. I’m behind schedule so I decide to keep my stops short until I get to Cedarville.
I hit Cedarville around 10:00 AM. I’ve ridden close to 40 miles at this point. It’s been five hours since breakfast and I’m pretty hungry despite the two granola bars I’ve eaten.
The Beans-n-Cream coffee shop is serving breakfast and I order up an omelette and a cappuccino, plus a glass of ice water to top off my water bottles. I use my portable charger to top off my cell phone while I eat.
It’s a mixed crowd of college students, weekend cyclists in spandex and Harley Riders in their regulation nonconformist uniforms. Nice coffee shop but I need to get back on the trail.
Mile 40:
Just outside of Cedarville I hear something go “ka-chunk!” and I can’t pedal any more. This is accompanied by something inexplicably pulling at the back of my bike jersey. Huh?
If I’ve busted my rear derailleur I’m done for the day. I look down, prepared for the worst, and I notice something tangled in the rear hub. Something white.
The charging cord for my phone has somehow fallen out of my back pocket and gotten wrapped up in the cogs! I pull off the path and ease myself off the bike. It’s awkward because the other half of the cord is still attached to the charger in my back pocket.
Fortunately I am able to extricate the cord, which is now trashed. Oh well, it could have been a lot worse.
Note to self: make sure your gear is secure next time!
My hands thoroughly greasy, I ride the next 9 miles to Xenia trying not to touch my white handlebar tape.
Note to self: add alcohol wipes to your kit next time.
Mile 50:
Xenia Station is right at the halfway point for me. I make use of the bathroom to clean the gunk off my hands. I don’t stay long. That little unplanned stop cost me a few minutes. I toy with trying to find a place to buy a replacement cord for my phone. I quickly give that up as a fool’s errand. I should have plenty of battery to get to Cincinnati.
Xenia Station is the nexus of several bike trails. I select the Little Miami Trail, which will take me down to Cincinnati.
The Little Miami Scenic Trail follows the river it’s named after from Springfield Ohio down to Cincinnati. It’s one of the prettier trails in the state. Terrain consists of rolling hills and plenty of trees for shade. The pavement is smooth except for the occasional tree root pushing up.
The trail gets congested when you get close to the towns, but otherwise it’s wide open.
Mile 60:
Corwin has always been a popular stop for riders. I can tell I haven’t been this way in several years because the ice cream shop I used to frequent is now a BBQ place. The place is pretty busy and I don’t feel like waiting for food. Plus I’m not even hungry after downing that huge breakfast back in Cedarville. I drink a cup of sweet tea and get back on the trail. That bike isn’t going to pedal itself to Cincinnati.
Despite the abuse I’ve heaped on it today, my bike is performing flawlessly. I’m riding faster than I’ve ever ridden on a Century ride. My average speed is around 15 and I’m pushing 17 to 18 much of the time.
It helps that I’ve got a tailwind and the path is pretty flat. Just a few rolling hills.
I’m not even all that sore. The bike path is a lot smoother than riding on the road. I don’t feel nearly as beaten up as I would have been on the roads.
Mile 75:
I stop in Morrow for an energy bar and a bathroom break.
I text Mrs. Kong to leave Columbus if she hasn’t done so already. Her drive time to Cincinnati is about the same as it will take me to ride the last 25 miles.
For about 10 miles I duel with another guy on a road bike. I get in front of him for a while and then he passes me for a while. Finally I pull up next to him and say “Dude, you need to slow down. You’re making me look bad!” He laughs.
The section between Morrow and Loveland is pretty popular and it starts to get busy. I start to pass a lot of joggers and dog walkers. Usually a sign I’m getting close to a town.
Mile 88:
Loveland is a total zoo on a weekend. It’s so choked with people there’s no sense even trying. I take a break and then pedal at a walking pace through the crowd.
Despite my best efforts I find myself head-on with a kid, maybe age 10-12. He’s staring down at his phone and walking in the wrong lane right at me. He never so much as looks up. I “ding” my bell a couple times but he’s oblivious. Must be chasing Pokemons or something.
I’m really not in the mood for this so I hit my 140 db horn and the brakes simultaneously. That gets his attention! I give him “the look” and motion for him to move over. His mom shoots me a dirty look but she’ll get over it. As my mother would say “builds character”.
Once I’m past Loveland the crowd thins out pretty quickly and it’s smooth going for a while. I think I’ve only been this far south on the bike path once or twice. I enjoy the scenery.
Only about 12 miles to go. Less than one of my normal training rides.
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Mile 90:
Shouldn’t have let my guard down. I come across a sign that says “Trail Closed to Milford”. Something about soil erosion. Totally didn’t see that coming. It can never be simple.
I consult my GPS and venture out onto the road, thankful I put these lights on the bike.
These modern bike lights are awesome. Very lightweight, bright enough to see in the daytime and USB rechargeable. They’ve come along way since the light on my old Schwinn that had a little generator to power it. Those made more noise than light and felt like you were riding with your brakes on.
Fortunately the trail closure only lasts a few miles and I’m able to get out of traffic.
Mile 95:
Back on the trail and I still feel pretty strong. I pick up the speed to 18 mph. It feels good.
I am the 20th Century Limited at full throttle! I am an F-111 on the deck! I am speed incarnate! I am……………..getting passed by some kid on a mountain bike!
Oh well. I console myself that he looks to be 30 years younger than me and he’s probably not 95 miles into a 100 mile ride.
Mile 100.
The plan was to meet up at the Fifty West Brewery on Wooster Pike. I figured that would be easier for Mrs. Kong to find than “meet me at this entrance to the bike path you’ve never seen in the city you’ve never driven in”.
Fortunately we have an app on our phones that shows us where the other one is. Mrs. Kong was watching out for me that day. I got off the bike path at the right spot, but headed the wrong way. Because I’m an idiot.
After I’d gone about two miles in the wrong direction I got a text from her saying “You’re going the wrong way!”. I was on the correct road, but I’d ridden about 2 miles in the wrong direction. I suppose I’d have figured it out eventually when I saw the “Welcome to Kentucky” sign.
I turn around and start the “ride of shame” back to where I’m supposed to be.
It’s a very busy road and the lanes aren’t quite wide enough for a car to pass a bike safely. I wouldn’t normally do this but I take the sidewalk. There are no pedestrians so this seems like the safest course of action.
Yes I know it’s technically not legal. I remember the introduction to every Air Force flight manual:
“This manual provides the best operating instructions under most circumstances, but it is a poor substitute for sound judgement.”
The road I’m on makes a “T” intersection with Wooster Pike. It looks like the best way through the intersection is to pretend I’m a car. Something something sound judgement.
I signal and carefully ease back into traffic. I pull into the left turn lane, glad I have that bright red strobe light on the back.
I’m finally starting to feel the 100+ miles but I manage to work my way back to the meetup. Going off in the wrong direction added almost 5 miles to my ride.
Mile 104.79
The lovely and delightful Mrs. Kong is waiting for me in the parking lot of the brew pub. She looks a lot better than I do at this point.
